Reflecting is a counselling skill that involves restating the content, feelings, and/or meanings of the client back to them. It is a skill that puts a mirror up to the client, allowing them to hear and feel their experiences from an external perspective. In using this skill, the counsellor invites the client to explore what has been reflected back to them with the purpose of developing understanding and promoting introspection.
In this study guide, we will explore the core types of reflection, its purpose, and best practices when reflecting with a client.
Purpose of reflecting
Reflecting in the counselling space provides many purposes for the client’s growth and development of the therapeutic relationship.
Foremostly, reflections act as a mirror for the client to observe. It invites the client to step back and objectively hear their own thoughts from an outside perspective. This can promote deeper exploration of the client’s experiences, feelings, and meanings. As such, it can engage the client to be more introspective.
Secondly, it can be used to validate the client’s experiences. By reflecting back to the client, it affirms that you have listened and accepted the client. For this reason, reflecting can be a way of communicating unconditional positive regard towards the client.
This skill can help to enhance the therapeutic alliance and build rapport with the client. Reflecting can communicate empathic understanding towards the client by mirroring back to them or labelling their emotions or meanings.
It can also prevent any misunderstandings within the therapeutic space. Reflecting helps to ensure you are both on the same page. If not, it offers the client a chance to correct you. This can allow the counsellor to understand the client better and see the client’s experiences more from their perspective.
Core types of reflecting
There are several different ways in which you can use reflecting in the counselling space. This includes:
- Reflecting content
- Paraphrasing
- Reflecting feeling
- Reflecting meaning
- Summarising
Reflecting content
Reflecting content is to restate the client’s own words back to them, and possibly how they said it. The aim is not to parrot back to the client what they said. Instead, the purpose is to give the client an opportunity to hear themself from an outside perspective.
An example of this might be if a client says, “talking about this makes me feel quite anxious” and crosses their arms. You, as the counsellor might reflect back the same statement as they said it, crossing your arms as well. This acts quite similarly to immediacy as it is acknowledging those feelings in the here and now. The client might not have given much thought to their statement before saying it, or might not have been aware that they crossed their arms. Reflecting allows the client to see themselves through your restatement and actions to promote introspection and acknowledge their current feelings.
Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing is similar to reflecting content or restating. However, you are saying what the client said in your own words.
Like restating, you are putting a mirror up to the client to hear their thoughts objectively. In addition, you are also ensuring clarity with the client by checking that your interpretation sits within the client’s frame of reference. This can enhance empathic connection with the client as it communicates you are listening and understanding them.
Even if your paraphrasing is not quite in line with the client’s understanding, this can still be helpful in building the therapeutic alliance.
Reflecting feeling
When reflecting feeling back to the client, you are identifying and naming the emotions that the client is expressing.
The client may not have explicitly said the emotion, but it is rather the emotions that can be felt from the content or underlying in what the client is saying.
A client says, “When I’m not working, I have so many course assignments to do at home that I barely see my partner.”
As the counsellor, you might respond, “It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate at the moment and perhaps feel some guilt for not seeing your partner.”
Here, the counsellor is identifying that the client may be overwhelmed by the amount of work and course assignments. The counsellor has also identified and verbalised guilt. Note that the client has not explicitly said anything about guilt, but is instead something that the counsellor has identified from what was said.
As with paraphrasing, you may get the client’s feeling wrong in your reflection. However, this is still an opportunity for the client to focus on what they are feeling, perhaps naming it themself. This can build rapport with the client and enhance the therapeutic alliance.
Reflecting meaning
Reflecting meaning is an extension of reflecting feelings. With this reflection, it connects the client’s feelings to their core values, beliefs, or deeper meanings.
In using this form of reflection, it can tie together the client’s current feelings with themes that may have been brought up earlier in the session or in previous sessions. The counsellor could also identify meaning from what the client has said.
This can benefit the client as it can validate their experiences and allow them to feel heard in their interaction with the counsellor. In identifying the meaning for the client, it provides an opportunity for them to reflect on their core values and beliefs.
A client says, “I have been made redundant from my job that I loved after working their for five years and I don’t know what to do”
In this instance, the counsellor might say, “it sounds as though you are feeling devastated after losing your job that you have put so much time and energy into and was perhaps a big part of who you are.”
In this example, the counsellor is naming the feeling that the client is devastated. The counsellor goes further by identifying a possible belief that the client’s job role played a part in their overall identity.
Summarising
Summarising combines the client’s content, feelings, and meaning from a larger portion of the conversation. Using summary in a counselling session can help make connections between different things a client has said.
For example, a client could talk about feeling depressed but does not know why. Later in the session, they could talk about some life events that have been affecting them.Summarising here could bring a clarity for the client by making a connection between the two.
Example video of reflecting
This video from Mindful Counseling provides two examples of reflecting in the counselling space: when it is done poorly and when it is done well.
Best practices for reflections
Reflecting is a skill that takes practice.
Try to avoid parroting back to the client. Remember the purpose of reflections. Restating or reflecting content back to the client can be helpful in highlighting a particular thing they have said. However, clients might receive reflections of content poorly as it might signal inattention from the counsellor if the purpose for restating is not clear.
Aim to match the tone of the client. Ensure that your reflections meet the client’s tone, pace, and body language. In doing so, you can more effectively build the therapeutic relationship by engaging with the client in the here and now. Matching the tone can also communicate empathic understanding as you are meeting the client in their feelings.
Stay in the client’s frame of reference. Reflecting should always come from what the client has said or expressed. Particularly when reflecting meaning and feelings, it is important that those come from the client and not from your own interpretations. Staying in the client’s frame of reference helps prevent our own judgements, advice, or personal anecdotes from entering the session.
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